Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun!

ONTO THE CHINA SHOP

2012-03-08T21:00:00.008-05:00

I'm sure you'll excuse me for not having a post about J'onn J'onnz tonight, as soon as you see that

I GOT TO DRIVE A STEAMROLLER!!!

So, yes: best day ever. Martians tomorrow, steamrollers tonight.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 68

2012-03-08T17:00:00.002-05:00

Panels from Batman: Child of Dreams (February 2003), script, pencils, and inks by Kia Asamiya; English adaptation by Max Allan Collins; letters by Dan Nakrosis

Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind

2012-03-07T22:00:00.008-05:00

I'm guessing you too may have been as baffled as I was on my original discovery of J'onn J'onnz vs. Fruit (see last night's post). What's the story, Martian Glory? What is going on there that delicious altho' humungous citrus fruit are being targeted by everyone's second favorite Martian (after Uncle Martin, of course):

When you ponder the puzzle of why one of the most powerful heroes in the DC Universe is fighting fruit, the first thing you have to realize is that it was The Age of the Go-Go Checks:

Cover of House of Mystery #167 (June 1967), pencils and inks by Jim Mooney

Yep! J'onn J'onnz, Manhunter from ~~Barsoom~~ Mars, doesn't even get cover billing on House of Mystery #167, playing second fiddle backup story to Robbie Reed, who I think we would all like to sockamagee right in the face. But flip through two-thirds of a kid playing around with a telephone dial to become the hero who could be you (no, it couldn't) and we finally get to the prime cut of this Silver Age Sirloin, the Green Guy himself, Martian Manhunter!

Splash page from House of Mystery #167 (June 1967), script by Jack Miller, pencils and inks by Joe Certa

After that lousy pun, in the next panel J'onn turns towards the camera, smirks, puts on sunglasses, and then the theme song begins to play loudly over the opening credits. Yes, it's CSI: Mars!

Grace, space, race
Everything they've seen you have seen,
Everywhere they've been you have been,
Everything they've done you have been and done already

(That's my pitch for a new Martian Manhunter series. Call me, Jim Lee! I gotta million of 'em!)

Now, on the next page...

Hey! That's cheating! We've already seen this! It's the equivalent of watching Mythbusters when they spend ten minutes recapping what happened before that last commercial break for Cash Cab Man vs. American Carkiller Odyssey Kings Gone Wild. Frenchie even stutters the same! What we don't get here is MM's interior dialogue about Mister V and Marco Xavier and whether he remembered to set his VHS recorder to tape Lost in Space that evening.

Well, let's clear up those mysteries right now. Mister V is a master criminal as well as a man without a face

No, no, no! Man without a face. Eh, just call him Ernst Starvos Blobface. But who is Marco Xavier? Who is Marco Xavier?

He's an international playboy who has inherited the traditional Xavier family's withered legs! You can just tell, can't you, by that cheesy continental mustache and his tiny, tiny shorts that he's an oily(er) version of Tony Stark, right? What's more, he's not only a gigolo who romances our wholesome hometown gals, takes them away from their life of squalor to live in his life of squalor...but he's also an international criminal working for V.U.L.T.U.R.E.*, a megacriminal empire on the same level as SMERSH, SPECTRA, KAOS, THRUSH, AIM, CAW, HIVE, QUANTUM, ULTIMATUM, ISBN, and FDIC. Boo! Hiss! Your brother Charles would be ashamed of you, Marco!

Ah, but all is well! Hands, paws, or hooves up everyone who already knew or guessed that Marco Xavier is actually yet another civilian identity of the amazing spectacular sensational Martian Manhunter! (That is, he's a martian who hunts men, not a man who hunts martians.)

Under cover of the night

Now cut that out!

Under cover of the night, J'onn finds out that VULTURE plans to hijack a gold bullion shipment using a tank disguised as a parade float! Ah, that explains the Fruit Tank, then!

It must have been International Fruit Days in whatever provincial small town it is that this dastardly deed is about to take place in. (Des Moines?) Because a freakin' tank covered with giant fruit won't attract any suspicion at all.

Well, you have to admit their plan has a certain a-peel.

But wait a minute, let's get out the old Bully solar-powered calculator and the Inter-ma-net and do a little research. VULTURE plans to hijack 50 million dollars worth of gold bullion. (Heh...he said bullion.) According to online sources (and we know they are always correct, the price of gold in 1967 was about $35 a troy ounce. What are these Troy Ounces, and why are they so special? Are they anything like Troy Donahues or Donna Troys? But I digress.

Your standard movie-prop gold bar (see: Goldfinger) consists of 400 troy ounces to a bar. That's about 27.4 pounds. That means a grown man can probably shift two, three, maybe four at a time. In 1967 with a price of $35 per t.o., that's about 3570 bricks. Twenty-five thousand pounds. And, even with a couple carts from Home Depot, that's a lot of shifting big heavy bricks when instead you could be out instead stealing those delicious golden Hostess Twinkies. (Yes, there's a big delight in every bite of Hostess Cupcakes, Fruit Pies, and Twinkies.) I'm not even certain they could get 25,000 pounds of gold on two prop planes.

It's a general and frequent error: underestimating the manpower and time to shift gold bars made by a lot of fiction (see again: Goldfinger—the novel, not the movie, which, in the parlance of TV Tropes, "cleverly subverts this trope." A movie involving gold bar theft that does the mechanics of the theft correctly is the underrated 1976 TV film Sherlock Holmes in New York. It's one of my favorite Holmes movies not despite but because of its unusual stunt casting; Roger Moore as Holmes and Patrick Macnee (channeling the unfortunately dimbulb portrayal by Nigel Bruce) as Doctor Watson. And freakin' John Huston as Moriarty. It oughta be on DVD, and that it isn't is a crime itself.

The rest of the story concerns J'onn trying to stop the tank by dropping trees in its way and digging pits for it to fall in, all to avoid exposing his dual identity as Marco X. He is also clearly fighting them on Earth-Seussical, which allows him to remain concealed from VULTURE behind the blooming Truffula trees.

Let's focus on one particular phrase spoke by the Martian Manhunter, shall we? For those of us used to the modern-day solmen and stilted speech of J'onn, it's hard to remember that he once used phrases like "vulture varmits" [sic]. I presume he meant "varmints." Which is a phrase he picked up during his fight with Yosemite Sam in the classic Superman vs. Bugs Bunny.

After a while the Manhunter gets bored with just watching from the sidelines and punches the tank, simultaneously capturing some VULTURE goons and making grape juice. Another evil plot stopped by the Martian Manhunter! Who, when we come to think about it, could have done this about half an hour before, thus saving us valuable pages space that could have been spent on the fabulous international escapades of Marco Xavier, man-about-town.

Also in this issue: Superman tells you to take the day off and go ride the Crazy Crystals.

"Tomorrow!" And I put that in quotes because we all know what happen when I promise something "tomorrow"—more Martian Manhunter Madness as our Chlorophylled Champion does an impersonation. Who's he impersonating? I'm not sure yet, but you're going to have to hand it to him!

*Very Unpleasant Larceny, Theft, and Unlawfully Repulsive Exploits.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 67

2012-03-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

Splash page from Batman #232 (June 1971), script by Denny O'Neil, pencils by Neal Adams, inks by Dick Giordano, letters by John Costanza

Bully's back and you're gonna get some chocolate*

2012-03-06T21:00:00.005-05:00

Here I am and I'm back again! I send you all apologies for the personal, sociological, meteorological, and entomological emergencies which have kept me away for a few days. Also, I've been very busy with the negotiations for my new major motion picture.

If you look over your shoulder and peek backwards, however, you'll find that 366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth has been brought up to date, and regular content continues tomorrow. (Unless that comet falls on us.)

Until then, please enjoy J'onn J'onnz fighting fruit.

Panels from "Marco Xavier, Manhunter's Ally!" in House of Mystery ~~and Fruit~~ #167 (June 1967),
script by Jack Miller, pencils and inks by Joe Certa

*Sorry. I ate all the chocolate.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 66

2012-03-06T17:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Batman v.1 #32 (December 1945-January 1946), script by Don Cameron or Joe Samachson (?), pencils and inks by Jerry Robinson, letters by Ira Schnapp

Hare Mail

2012-03-05T21:00:00.002-05:00

Photograph from Life magazine, February 15, 1960

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 65

2012-03-05T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panelsfrom Batman: Shadow of the Bat Annual #3 (August 1995), script by Alan Grant, pencils by Brian Apthorp, inks by Stan Woch, colors by Linda Medley, letters by Ken Lopez

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 64

2012-03-04T17:00:00.001-05:00

Cover of JLA Classified #49 (Late February 2008), pencils and inks by Paulo Siqueira, colors by Allen Passalaqua

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 63

2012-03-03T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panel from Batman: Shadow of the Bat #72 (March 1998), script by Alan Grant, pencils by Mark Buckingham, inks by Wayne Faucher, colors by Pam Rambo, separations by Android Images, letters by Bill Oakley

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 62

2012-03-02T17:00:00.003-05:00

Panels from Batman: Shadow of the Bat #73 (April 1998), script by Alan Grant, pencils by Mark Buckingham, inks by Wayne Faucher, colors by Pam Rambo, separations by Android Images, letters by Bill Oakley

I call "no way" on that stunt, Johnny Storm

2012-03-01T21:00:00.002-05:00

So here's a story from pretty darn early in the Human Torch's career where he absorbs the entire power of a nuclear bomb:

Panels from Strange Tales #112 (September 1963), plot by Stan Lee, script by Jerry Siegel [as Joe Carter], pencils and inks by Dick Ayers, letters by Sam Rosen

Yeah, I'm not buying that he was able to do that—I call shenanigans! especially since this ultimate deadly atomic blast was a plot by none other than that most dangerous and nefarious Marvel supervillain...you're gonna guess Doctor Doom or the Red Skull or Magneto, right? One of the powerhouse baddies. Nope. T'was The Eel.

Yep! The guy with the oil-slathered costume and the 4,000 double-AA batteries built into his gloves. So he can shock you, and help provide you with a a lovely light vinaigrette salad. He didn't even give Daredevil much of a workout. And that was in his yellow costume days.

Panels from Daredevil v.1 #6 (February 1965), script by by Stan Lee, pencils and inks by Wally Wood, letters by Sam Rosen

So, you know, a villain of this calibre is going to be a pretty dangerous villain up against somebody like, say, Ghost Rider, right?

Panels from Ghost Rider v.1 #21 (December 1976), script by Gerry Conway, breakdowns by Gil Kane, finishes by Sam Grainger, colors by Jim Shooter (!) and Roger Slifer

Oh. Thus died the Eel. The guy who once almost nuked the planet. He probably ought to have listed that first on his resumé, then.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 61

2012-03-01T17:00:00.007-05:00

Panel from "A Tale of Time Past!" in Batman #328 (October 1980), script by Marv Wolfman, pencils by Don Newton, inks by Kim DeMulder, colors by Adrienne Roy, letters by Milt Snapinn.

And a special haunted Boo-ly-Prize to eagle-eyed reader Dan Longe,
who spotted that I'd posted the credits of a different story (now corrected). Thanks, Dan!

Blowing out birthday candles / I was dressed as Superman and you were a shining star

2012-02-29T22:00:00.026-05:00

It's February 29, the date so nice we get it twice...um, every eight years. And we all know whose birthday February 29 is, right? As Bill Cosby would say: "Right!"

Cover of Whiz Comics #47 (October 1943), pencils and inks by C. C. Beck

That's right! Happy Birthday, Big Red Cheese! And he gets to spend his birthday with a freakin' talking tiger.

But the truth be known, altho' it really is Captain Marvel's birthday (and it'll be a cold day in the cabbage patch before you make me call him "Shazam"), it also happens to be the birthday of another, somewhat important superhero:

Cover of DC Super Friends #9 (January 2009), pencils, inks, and colors by J. Bone

Yes! It's the birthday of

Super-Deformed Superman!

And the real Superman, too.

Those of you who are old enough to remember four years back on my blog (and, hey, those who remember good comics) will know that one of the simply finest Superman birthday tales is "For the Man Who Has Everything" in Superman Annual #11:

Cover of Superman Annual #11 (1985), pencils and inks by Dave Gibbons

I covered this fine tale four years ago on this very date, so I'm not gonna talk abut that issue today. I think I did it justice at the time, because it's my most-viewed post ever (even more than my post about half-naked Harley Quinn):

So, on this momentous occasion I like to call Clark Kent Day, let's take a look at some other Superbirthdays! Here's longtime hetero-lifemates Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent making the most of an evening by not actually fighting crime but instead attending an exhibition by an evil mentallist. You can tell he's evil because he's got lots of extra mascara on. (Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.)

Panels from World's Finest Comics #235 (January 1976), script by Bob Haney, pencils by Dick Dillin, inks by John Calnan. Yes, this is the one where Superman's head got popped off on the cover.

But...Clark's birthday...is...June 18? Wait, wait, don't tell me...

Again, I point out the sheer massive amount of eye shadow that guy is using. He can't be up to any good, I bet. And hey, El Mystico...The Phantom Stranger called; he wants his cape back! Anyway, now we know CK/SM has two birthdays: February 29 is the actual date of his birth on Krypton (this explains why Lara always called him her little Leapbaby) and June 18 is the date the Kents got buzzed by an alien spaceship over their old dependable Ford pickup. (The Kents have never bought foreign automobiles.) And that also explains why he gets two sets of birthday presents a year...in February, he gets Super-presents like comets and moonbeams and enchanted girdles from the island of Themyscira, and in June he gets socks and handkerchiefs and copies of Dan Brown novels.

You know, of course, lots of adopted people wind up having two birthdays for exactly the same reason. But on Earth-1, that can only mean one thing...that man must be ~~Green Lantern~~ Superman! Probably.

El Mystico was later found with his neck broken, lying in a Dumpster. The police coroner was puzzled to find that his neck had been snapped so powerfully that there were actually fingerprints in his skin...but then he got bawled out by Dr. Asten and Sam kept declaring that it couldn't have been murder but probably just suicide. Besides, the coroner had to rush off to investigate the arm of a woman in a bikini.

I really like the concept of Clark's birth being June 18. Not only is that the cover month of the very first issue of Action Comics, but June 18 is also the birthday of perennial Superman team-up partner Sir Paul McCartney, who appeared with Supes in the popular Bob Haney book Superman and the Fab Four (1965-1972). I loved that book! Who can forget the time Ringo punched Darkseid in the snoot? I know I never shall.

But of course, sometimes during the telling of the Super-Canon mistakes are made and dates get mxyzptlked up. (Dekltpzyxm!) Action Comics #241 finds Superman superwriting in his superdiary. I bet he has to keep that thing locked up with a tiny, tiny key so that Lois won't peek in it and find out how much he pines over her, or how neat he thinks Joe Namath is, or his drawings of planes and rocketships attacking monsters and blowing them up. And his many attempts to hand-copy the Led Zeppelin Zoso logo.

Splash page from Action Comics #241 (June 1958), script by Jerry Coleman, pencils by Wayne Boring, inks by Stan Kaye

Well, lo alti! stylt ltl? lmcw acdfe!< to you too, Superman!

Superman in investigating the mysterious break-ins at his Fortress of Solitude (thus completely negating its title), and two days after he makes this diary entry, the culprit is revealed...El Mystico! Oh, wait, it's just Batman.

So, according to Batman, Baby Kal arrived on Earth on June 12. Well, this is still the Silver Age, and Silver Age Batman was not infallible, unlike his later counterparts, Bronze Age Batman, Dark Age Batman, Post-Crisis Batman and Pop Batman.

Anyway, it was nice of Apache Chief to let Supes borrow his pocket knife. Also, please note that Batman put alternating giant candles of Clark Kent and Superman into his big-ass birthday cake. That's some dedication to detail. I suppose Alfred was up carving those all night.

Still, you can't complain that Batman's the only one to make a special fuss over Superman's birthday. That auspicious occasion is indeed a time of mirth and merriment everywhere, including the city room of a Great Metropolitan Newspaper (The Seattle Post-Intelligencer), all work stops to celebrate the big man's birthday.

Panel from Action Comics #149 (October 1960), pencils and inks by Al Plastino

On February 29, 1960, an earthquake in Morocco killed over 3,000 people and nearly destroyed Agadir in the southern part of the country (thanks, Wikipedia!), so Perry White missed out on that story, but it also happens to be the date that The Family Circus premiered, so I'm guessing it all balanced out all right.

Yep, all professional work stops in the office on the day of Superman's birthday. It's so hectic, no one even stops to notice that Lois Lane has been beatified within the Catholic Church!

Yep. Lois has just got to be so special. How special is Lois? So special that in Superman's Perpetual Thorn in the Side Lois Lane #72, when Lois travelled back in time to the seventeenth century, she was able to convince Galileo that the sun did not revolve around the Earth as previously thought, but rather that it revolved around Lois Lane.

How many special birthday gifts did Superman receive that year? So many that the Daily Planet Building began to collapse under their weight. It's canon, folks!

The story ends with Lois offering Supes a "wonderful present...the very best one of all." Fade out, finis. Wocka-cha-wocka-wow.

Let's flash back to ~~1980~~ sixteen years after whenever it is that we're saying Superman landed on Earth now. Freshly kicked out of his own magazine by those jerks in the Legion of Super-Heroes, high-schooler Clark Kent celebrates his sixteenth birthday...or...does he? Wait. Yes. Yes, he does.

Cover of The New Adventures of Superboy #1 (January 1980), pencils by Kurt Schaffenberger, inks by Dick Giordano

Everybody's at young Clark's birthday! Pete Ross! General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross! That harpy, Lana Lang! Seriously, Lana, why don't you just pants him right there in front of his friends and parents and those two people watching in back from the Phantom Zone, huh? And let's hope Lana doesn't have slightly better-than-average hearing because Ma and Pa Kent can't help being blabbermouths.

Splash page from The New Adventures of Superboy #1 (January 1980), script by Cary Bates, pencils by Kurt Schaffenberger, inks by Dave Hunt, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Ben Oda

"Hey Clark!" Pete Ross asks. "How come unusual circumstance which leads into the thrilling events of this story?" he continues. And that's a whole 'nother story.

It all has something to do with Superman spending an entire year helping out an alien race during his flight from Krypton to Earth so he's actually a year older than he really tells everybody he is and oh gosh my head hurts. Let us pay no attention to that and instead focus on the fact that no one has noticed Ma and Pa Kent are thirty years younger than they should be.

Of course, every now and then the good folks at DC like to stir up the pot by ~~completely ignoring continuity that wouldn't make any difference to the story if it were properly followed~~ introducing new and exciting concepts like Clark arrived on Earth on December 1, not June 18. Also, in his youth Pa ran moonshine in Hazzard County with his cousin Luke Kent.

Panels from Superman: Secret Origin #1 (November 2009), script by Geoff Johns, pencils by Gary Frank, inks by Jon Sibal, colors by Brad Anderson, letters by Steve Wands

What's under the floor? Why, it's a giant version of one of those light-up glasses you can keep when you buy a sparkling non-alcoholic drink at Bubba Gump's! (This joke provided for the three people who will get it.)

But that's just details about Superman's birthday dates on Earth. What about on Krypton? When was he born on that big green marble? Why, just like the lucky baby who was the first to be born in the year 2000 right here on Earth, or lucky Jesus who got born just as the clock ticked over from BC to AD, young Kal-El was born in the year 10,000! It all started when Superman found some debris left over from the total and complete nuclear explosion of his home planet which just happened to contain the perfectly intact desk and diary of his own father for him to find. The Silver Age, folks! The Silver Age of Coincidences, more like. Kennedy: had a secretary named Lincoln. Lincoln: has a secretary named Kennedy. Bruce Wayne: had a butler called Alfred. Alfred the Bruce: had a butler named Wayne. It's all part of a massive conspiracy!

Panels from Action Comics #233 (December 1956), script by Edmond Hamilton, pencils by Wayne Boring, inks by Stan Kaye

Yep! Year 10,000. And only a few days later, Krypton was destroyed. Now we know why: Y10K.

Wow! 10,000 years of Kryptonian culture! And at least 3,000 of those must have been devoted to advancing their colored tunic technology. But a Kryptonian year is not the same as ours, nor do they have those excellent door-busting sales on Black Sun Friday, the day after Kryptonian Federal Science Feasting of the Space-Fowl Day. If you want to venture into the intricacies of days, weeks, months, and years as reckoned by our Krypton cousins, you should A) check out this website and B) have a basic working knowledge of how many Knuts and Sickles go into a Galleon. For even more obsessively detailed calendar fun with Superman, here's a Kryptonian Calendar worth checking out. Personally, I always say, wait until after WinterScience Festival Period to get half-price on your Kryptonian calendars, especially if you like those little tear-off Page-a-Zetyars. If you want to get the cheesecake calendars with all the Kryptonian girls in tiny bikinis, better act quick, because I'm not entirely certain Kryptonians have even invented the bikini yet.

Panels from The Man of Steel #1 (October 1986), script and pencils by John Byrne, inks by Dick Giordano, colors by Tom Ziuko, letters by John Costanza

Say, now that I think of it...where did Jor-El get beefcake photos of Earth from? Why, from Starman VI Jack Knight and a Mother Box simulating his father Starman I Ted Knight, of course. Of course.

Panels from Starman v.2 #51 (March 1999), script by James Robinson and David Goyer, pencils: by Peter Snejbjerg, inks by Keith Champagne, colors by Gregory Wright, separations by GWC, letters by Bill Oakley

But really? Was Kal-El born exactly in the Kryptonian Year 10,000? Naw, probably not. The celebration for the big Ten-oh-oh-oh actually probably kicked off, much like our national's Bicentennial, a couple years early, in 9998. Then, they had two years of "Tenmillennial Minutes" hosted by Wal-Tor Krank-El on KBS leading right up until the big day, at which point the planet had already gone splodey two years before. Still, bet they whooped it up big time in the Bottle City of Kandor, huh?

No, Superman was actually born in 9998, a date made canon by this cover of Action Comics #429. A very special Bully "thank you" goes out to Charismatic Chris SIms, America's premiere Supermanologist, for helping me hunt down this issue, without which this post would have ended on that dumb Wal-Tor Krank-El joke.

Cover of Action Comics #429 (November 1973), pencils and inks by Nick Cardy

So, if you meet any Kryptonians today, be sure to wish them a happy Eorx 35th, and remind them that their rent is due on or before the 37th of every month. In this very issue we discover that Superman at last ditched the metal diary and finally got himself a Moleskine, even if it's one of those big-ass ones he has to use two iPads to operate. If and when Superman's Diaries are ever offered for sale to the general public, it truly will be the end of print publishing, because no sane publisher, not even DC, is gonna print a book that large. Even if they did, it's a cinch that Amazon would refuse to offer free super-saving shipping on it.

Panels from Action Comics #429 (November 1973), script! by! Elliot S! Maggin, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Bob Oksner

Supes is concerned that someone's found out his true identity because, y'know, everybody except Lois knows it. Turns out the guy who runs the Daily Planet's morgue accidentally began picking up transmissions from Superman's Big-Ass Diary. Then he taught himself Kryptonian so he could read it, and he figured out Clark Kent - spectacles = Superman. Yep! I'll buy that, DC. (shuffling away cautiously)

Oh, how they all laughed and laughed and laughed! Later, of course, Ryan Lowell was found in a Dumpster behind the Daily Planet with his neck snapped. Sure, you can pull on Superman's cape...but don't let him know you figgered out he's Clark Kent, idiot.

So, there you go: whatever way you chop it, it's Superman's birthday. (Huzzah!) And I have only one question left: if Superman's birthday is on February 29...what's Bizarro's birthday???

Panel from Action Comics #263 (April 1960), script by Otto Binder, pencils by Wayne Boring, inks by Stan Kaye

So, to sum up! Happy Birthday, Superman!

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 60

2012-02-29T17:00:00.006-05:00

Panels from The Batman Strikes #28 (December 2007), script by Russell Lissau, pencils by Christopher Jones, inks by Terry Beatty, colors by Heroic Age, letters by Rob Clark Jr.

Now you know why it's called...366 Days with Alfred. Enjoy this extra bonus day!

Happy Leap Day! (Or: What If™ Scott McCloud Drew Amazing Spider-Man #121?)

2012-02-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

When things are tough and you've had a bad day...

2012-02-28T22:00:00.003-05:00

This is for my good pal Randi and anybody else who needs it today!
(Bully sketch by Roger Langridge)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 59

2012-02-28T17:00:00.003-05:00

Page from Batman Begins: Be a Hero Official Movie Color and Activity Fun Book (2005).
Print it out and color it! Be sure you have plenty of black crayons.

It's the end of February, but still, here's some more Things Bully Got for Christmas: The Warriors Three

2012-02-27T21:00:00.002-05:00

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 58

2012-02-27T17:00:00.003-05:00

Panels from The Batman Family #13 (September 1977), script by Bob Rozakis, pencils by Don Newton, inks by Bob Wiacek, colors by Jerry Serpe

Ten of a Kind: Your Name in Lights

2012-02-26T22:00:00.001-05:00

(More Ten of a Kind here.)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 57

2012-02-26T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panel from Batman #360 (June 1983), script by Doug Moench, pencils by Don Newton, inks by Pablo Marcos and Ron Randall, colors by Adrienne Roy, letters by Ben Oda

Same Story, Different Cover: Here's your next major crossover event idea, DC

2012-02-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

L: DC Super Stars #10 (December 1976), pencils and inks by Ernie Chan, colors by Tatjana Wood, letters by Joe Letterese
R: DC Special Blue Ribbon Digest #13 (September 1981), pencils by Rich Buckler, inks by Dick Giordano
(Click picture to double-header-size)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 56

2012-02-25T17:00:00.003-05:00

Splash page of Batman: The Case of Batman II! (Kellogg's Pop-Tarts giveaway comics, 1996),
adapted from Batman #40 (April-May 1947)

But not tonight

2012-02-24T21:00:00.003-05:00

In the exact same issue of Fantastic Four where there's a fairly unnecessary panel of Medusa, we also get a couple panels featuring big-time FF co-star Barney Slocum. As I like to say, "now that Barney's become such a major part of the Marvel Universe, it's fun to see where he got his start!"

Panels from Fantastic Four #158 (May 1975), script by Roy Thomas, pencils by Rich Buckler, inks by Joe Sinnott, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by Joe Rosen

Just like Barney, whose story may someday be told (perhaps in the upcoming limited series Fear Itself: Barney Slocum vs. the Marvel Universe), yet again tonight I'm unable to give you the second half of my series on volume numbers and issue numbers which started here. Lesson of the week: never say "tomorrow" when I don't have all the scans done yet. Next week, I hope..but you will get to read it!

Apologies to you, apologies to everybody who wrote in about it, but most of all, apologies to Barney Slocum.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 55

2012-02-24T17:00:00.002-05:00

I asked you yesterday: What vital information do we find out about Alfred for the very first time in Batman #216?

Sean Murphy commented

Alfred has a little family reunion, right?

Panels from Batman #216 (November 1969), script by Frank Robbins, pencils by Irv Novick, inks by Dick Giordano

And...that's actually absolutely correct, Sean, and you get a Bruce Wayne-endorsed Bull-Prize (not valid in Metropolis).

But actually, it's not the big reveal I was thinking of. Batman #216 is the first time that we learn Earth-1's Alfred is surnamed...Pennyworth!

But yes, there's a family reunion, and it goes about as well as most family reunions.

Ask any otter you happen to see, what's the best comic? It's Archie!

2012-02-23T22:00:00.001-05:00

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 54

2012-02-23T17:00:00.003-05:00

Cover of Batman v.1 #216 (November 1969), pencils by Irv Novick, inks by Dick Giordano

Say, Alfred fans...we learn something really vital about our bestest butler in Batman #216. Q: What is it? Answers on a postcard, please...but don't mail 'em in, because I'll reveal the answer tomorrow!

They Just Didn't Care

2012-02-22T21:00:00.004-05:00

How much did Marvel care about its 2011 miniseries Marvel Zombies Christmas Carol? Chances are, this is the first time you've ever heard about it, right? That's because Marvel just didn't care.

Yep, despite what you see there, the official name of the book is Marvel Zombies Christmas Carol. Why didn't Marvel put that title on the book? To fool folks into thinking this was yet another go-round with half-head Captain America Zombie or Iron Zombie or Spider-Zombie or She-Thing-Zombie? Me, I like to think it was because over at Marvel...they just didn't care.

How much did Marvel Comics care about Marvel Zombie Christmas Carol? So much that they cover-dated issue #1 as August 2011...and issue #2 as July 2011.

My conclusion? They just didn't care.

Now, there were many fine creators working on Marvel Zombies Christmas Carol, and I'm not pointing any fingers at any of 'em. I'm just cocking my head suspiciously at Marvel, trying to milk one last buck out of an overdone franchise. 'Coz, you see...they just didn't care.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 53

2012-02-22T17:00:00.002-05:00

Page from Batman: Shadow of the Bat #45 (December 1995), script by Alan Grant, pencils by Michal Dutkiewicz, inks by Gerry Fernandez, colors by Pamela Rambo, separations by Android Images, letters by Bill Oakley

Pump Up the Volume

2012-02-21T21:32:00.010-05:00

Hey, ya know what will be fun? Let's talk about comic book volumes and numbers. (Yes, yes, I know it's not as much fun as pudding. Bear with me a moment.)

Unlike most (but not all) magazines, comic books are identified by a number: Detective Comics #27. Uncanny X-Men #201. Ambush Bug: Year None #6*. As well, specific runs of comic titles—usually but not always starting with #1—are numbered with volume numbers: a volume number that exists with the comic until it is cancelled or rebooted to a new number one.

Here's an easy example: below is Batman volume 1 #1, and Batman volume 2 #1. One of these comic books is worth thousands and thousands of dollars, so choose carefully.

Another classic example: Action Comics volume 1 and 2's #1s.

Such renumberings will no doubt lead to non-collectors running into your friendly neighborhood comic book store exclaiming "I've got Action Comics #1! Gimme a million bucks for it!" and thrusting the Grant Morrison issue at the clerk. It's the volume number that's important here. You want Action volume 1 #1 to retire on, volume 2 #1 for a decent read but not much of an investment.

Detective Comics works the same way, although you won't find Batman on the cover of Detective volume 1 #1. If you want to make trivia out of comic book history, the next couple years will be the first times we ever see Batman in Detective Comics #1-26.

And then there's Superman. Yep, that's Supes volume 1, 2, and 3 numbers 1 below. But as the lady in the Pandorica said: "Okay, kid...this is where it gets complicated."

In 1986, DC capped off its fiftieth anniversary with Crisis on Infinite Earths, for which we have to blame every furshlugginer comic book crossover since. War of the Gods? Crisis's fault. Atlantis Attacks? Blame Crisis. Onslaught? Cri...well, actually, let's just blame that one on the 1990s.

Following Crisis, DC rebooted the Superman franchise with new creators (Byrne! Ordway!), a new back history (Ma and Pa Kent are alive! Lex Luthor is Donald Trump!), and a brand-new Superman #1. Volume 2, #1, to be precise (see the middle comic above). Volume 1 of Superman had ended earlier in the year with Superman v.1 #423, the sublime "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?", celebrating the Silver Age concepts that the reboot (temporarily) wiped off the Super-slate: Krypto, Superboy [and the Legion], Supergirl, the Fortress of Solitude, Morgan Edge and WGBS, and approximately one bajillion other survivors of Krypton.

Also the same month Supes v.2 #1 (and I say that just to annoy John Byrne) premiered and Action Comics #584 became a post-Crisis team-up title to replace the cancelled DC Comics Presents, a third Superman title premiered with a new name and a familiar number: The Adventures of Superman. #424. Wait, what? Why that number for a first issue?

Adventures picks up the numbering from volume 1 of Superman, which ended with #423. Renaming comics without renumbering them, of course, was not a new concept to the comic book industry. We can blame, as we can for many, many, things, the United States Postal Service, and by extension, we may as well blame the first Postmaster General Benjamin Franklin, for his role in the ephemeral film Money Talks!, if nothing else**.

Money Talks (1955). This MSTed version is from Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode 621 (1995),
starring Mike Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, and Kevin Murphy.

Here's the explanation of the second class mail permit regulations' effects on comic books, the brief version: publishers of magazines and periodicals (including comics) were charged an expensive permit fee to register a new title to be shipped through the postal service at a cost-savings bulk rate. But, just as Brian Bendis does every time we look too carefully at one of his stories, those publishers discovered an escape clause loophole: if you changed the name of the comic book but kept the same numbering, you didn't have to apply for a new permit...even if the renamed comic had nothing to do with the original. Want some examples? Sure, why not?

One of several Marvel Silver Age examples you're probably familiar with: Atlas [1950s Marvel]'s Journey Into Mystery began with #1 in 1952 as an anthology of mystery and horror stories and eventually evolved into the popular "monster of the month" anthology in the late 50s and early 60s. But as all Marvel Maniacs worth their weight in adamantium know, Journey Into Mystery #83 introduced the Mighty Thor, who became so popular that he later took over the entirety of Journey Into Mystery through issue #125. The following month the book was officially re-named Thor #126, and Stan and Company could cackle merrily because they'd just succeeded in avoiding paying a new second class registration. The same happened with most of Marvel's anthologies turned superhero double-features like Strange Tales, Tales to Astonish, and Tales of Suspense.
But you didn't necessarily need to keep the same star in a comic when you renamed it. Timely [Golden Age Marvel]'s Terry-Toons Comics began with #1 in 1942 and ran through #57 in 1947. It then became a western comic: Best Western #58 and #59. (Ignore for the moment that fact that Marvel actually managed to also sneak a pair of Terry-Toons #58 and #59 past the postal service as well.) Best Western was renamed Western Outlaws and Sheriffs with 1949's #60. Sneaky, Stan, sneaky!
Consider EC's Moon Girl and the Prince #1. Which became Moon Girl #2-6. Which became Moon Girl Fights Crime #7-8. Which became, with so much chutzpah I've got to salute William Gaines, A Moon, A Girl...Romance #9-12. Which became Weird Fantasy #13-17. Which became Weird Fantasy volume 2, #6. Aieee! Gasp...choke!

More recently, remember when Incredible Herc took up the numbering from Incredible Hulk? When Daredevil became Black Panther: The Man Without Fear and then Black Panther: The Most Dangerous Man Alive? When Deadpool: Yet Another One of His Series became A Really Good Series That Isn't About Deadpool for Once? Oh, sorry, the last one only happened in my brain.

As far as volumes, however, how do we count the volume numbers? Returning to the Superman example:

...those are, from left to right and very clearly, Superman volume 1, 2, 3. But what do you call its volume number when, in 2006, both Superman volume 2 and The Adventures of Superman stop publishing (with issues #226 and 649, respectively), and are followed the next month with one comic: Superman #650? Hmmmmmmm! I can definitely see what they're doing here: while DC cut the title line by one, this restores the original 1938 numbering to the Superman title. But is this volume 1? Or volume 2? (I sometimes internally refer to it as volume 2a, but really...that's just cheating!) Luckily in 2011, after a year of the Man of Steel wandering aimlessly on foot across America, Superman volume whatever ends with #714 and is rebooted as Superman volume 3 #1, an era we're now six months into.

Which begs the question: what happens next? I'll bet my last donut (and it's a cream-filled one) that at some point DC will revert the issue numbers on volume 3 to add 'em all together for the proper, straight-since-1938 numbering scheme. We've seen this happen at Marvel as their occasionally-rebooted and renumbered comics have reached milestone anniversary: Amazing Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Daredevil, Thor, and most recently Wolverine. Also, for some reason, X-Factor, which I think is cheating a little. That series was outright cancelled, not rebooted, in 1998! DC's done the same with Wonder Woman and Adventure Comics. And I bet my cuppa coffee (for dipping donuts in, doncha know) that I can guess pretty much exactly when it will be cover-dated: December 2018. Why? Because that's the date that, assuming Supes v.3 continues along at 12 issues a year, that it would hit #86, which, added to the 714 we'd had of volume 1 and volume 1a, equals...#800! It doesn't hurt that 2018 is also Superman's eightieth anniversary. (Eighty years times twelve issues is actually 960, but Superman hasn't always been published monthly.)

By that same Bully-logic, in about seven and a half years, Action Comics volume 2 #95, cover-dated September 2019, will be published, following the next month by Action Comics #1000. (It's coming sooner than you think, fans who use a three-digit numbering index system...get ready for Y1K!) Detective Comics could be renumbered as potentially soon as the middle of next year (The New 52's Detective #19 is Detective #900), or it could wait until Detective Comics #1000, which would follow Detective Comics v.2 #117, approximately September 2021 (Though it's an older publication, Detective has a lower issue count than Action because of Action's weekly publication in 1988-1989).

And it would only take one more issue...but Sugar & Spike will probably never reach issue #100.

Confused enough yet about renumbering, rebooting, revoluming and dark knights returning? Well, so am I! In fact, my li'l stuffed brain is revolving and revolting! So, let's return...er, continue tomorrow with a look at Marvel's wacky renumbering schemes, why Hulks count twice, and why and how this will all lead to a startling but not insignificant change in this very blog! Tune in tomorrow if you know what's good for you! For example: vitamins, regular exercise, and cutting down on the pizza with extra cheese inside the crust.

*This comic book does not exist.
**This film has nothing to do with the rest of this post. Fun, though, huh?

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 52

2012-02-21T17:00:00.002-05:00

Panels from Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #160 (December 2002), script by John Ostrander, pencils by David Lopez, inks by Dan Green, colors by James Sinclair, separations by Digital Chameleon, letters by Kurt Hathaway

Ten of a Kind: Wolverine, did you cut down this cherry tree?

2012-02-20T20:00:00.000-05:00

(More Ten of a Kind here.)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 51

2012-02-20T17:00:00.002-05:00

Panel from World's Finest #281 (July 1982), script by Cary Burkett, pencils by Irv Novick, inks by Frank Chiaramonte, colors by Carl Gafford, letters by Milt Snapinn

Today in Comics History: Batman begins to read the Twilight series

2012-02-20T02:42:00.002-05:00

Panels from Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #73 (July 1995), script by James Robinson, pencils and inks by John Watkiss, colors by Digital Chameleon, letters by Willie Schubert

Happy Birthday, Dear Batman!

2012-02-19T21:00:00.001-05:00

If you were wondering what the Sam Scratch Alfred and Jim Gordon were up to in today's "366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth" feature...well, then, you need to check your Earth-1 datebook, because it's one of the most important days of the year! No, it's not the anniversary of the time that Batman met Ben Grimm...it's actually on this day, mumble mumble years ago, that Bruce Wayne was born! In other words, it's the Batman's Birthday! Why else do you think that Gordon and Alfred made that extended trip to Party City? Bruce loves Uglydoll party supplies!

Panels from "Surprise! Surprise!" in Batman Family #11 (May-June 1977), script by Bob Rozakis, pencils by Carl Potts, inks by Frank McLaughlin, colors by Bob LeRose

Luckily for them, when the birthday boy enters later on, he's not wearing his blue and purple leotards, but rather a grey jacket and a two-toned turtleneck that would make Chuck Klosterman flee in terror. Hey, all his friends are there! Even...y'know...what's his name!

But wait a second...how do we know that Batman is, like Aquaman, a Pisces? (His horoscope: "Your parents will be killed in front of you, and a large winged mammal will fly through one of your windows, inspiring your career. Later, a South American wrestler will break your back, and still most people will remember you as guy in sayings like 'Holy [blank], Batman!' Also, you are the g--d----- Batman." Whoa, pretty darn accurate!)

We know that because of the Roy Thomas of the DC UNiverse...er, at least before Roy Thomas went over to work in the DC Universe...Bob Rozakis, the DC Answer Man! Bob wrote the text of the rightly famous Super DC Calendar 1976, which provided many of the birthdays of the DC heroes and villains (Alfred Pennyworth: April 8; Shrinking Violet, June 3; Mitch Shelly: February 3, March 17, March 30, April 18, May 1, May 2, May 3, June 14...)...

...but also author of the perpetual fan-favorite DC "Answer Man" column, in which he answered important questions like "How many horsepower does the Jokermobile have?" (750.) and "What happened to Zook, the Martian Manhunter's alien sidekick?" (Zook was barbecued and eaten at the last DC Comics summer picnic). Here's the word itself from the man himself on why we need to have February 19 off from work (or, in the case of 2/19 falling on a Sunday, we should have Monday off as "Batman's Birthday (Observed)."

from "Ask the DC Answer Man!" in World's Finest #271 (September 1981)

...and Rozakis is the author of the above story in Batman Family #11 which also establishes February 19 as Batman's birthday! Which, if you think about it, kind of makes Bob Rozakis the "father" of Batman. Which is all the more coincidental when you remember that Bob Rozakis once walked through Gotham City's Crime Alley late one night discussing upcoming plots with the great comedian Bob Hope for upcoming issues of The Adventures of Bob Hope...and then the Joker jumped out and shot Bob Hope right in the ski nose, scarring Mister Rozakis for life and turning him into the DC Answer Man. After all, we should have expected that. If there's one thing we know about that part of Gotham City...is that there is no Hope in Crime Alley.

It certainly wasn't the first Batman birthday story, though, and if I have my way, it won't be the last. There's a fine good old-fashioned Bat-birthday tale in Batman #130, in which Batman gets stuck up to his utility belt in frosting so creamy, you could spread it with a paper knife! (But use a spoon so you get every drop.)

Splash page from "Batman's Deadly Birthday" in Batman #130 (March 1960), script by Bill Finger, pencils by Dick Sprang, inks by Stan Kaye, letters by Stan Starkman

So brilliant was this deathtrap that the producers of the 1966 Batman live-action TV series used it again! Holy vanilla frosting, Batman! Still, that's not the weirdest part of this story. If you think you get oddball presents you'll rush to return to the store as soon as your birthday's over, consider the plight of poor Batman, awarded a silver replica of my mom, stuffed with cash that he can't even keep. Geez, guys, maybe an iPod would have been more appropriate?

Then, there's a fireworks display that is supposed to portray images of Batman in action, but instead winds up looking pretty much like every other abstract fireworks display. I'm thiunking the designed this thing for Daredevil, actually. "And now, Daredevil, the fireworks are exploding into a scene of you clobbering the Purple Man!" "KA-BOOM!" "Wow...that's amazingly lifelike, thank you!" "(snicker)"

No Batman story is complete without explaining the weird-ball mage you saw on the cover or splash page. Here's a giant cake that you can't eat is presented to Batman. Thanks so very much, citizens of Gotham. I suppose that picking up an actual Fudgie the Whale cake was a little too expensive for the guy who's saved the city umpty-umpt times, huh?

Oh! And there are also some criminals, who come to a...heh heh heh heh...sticky end! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

Still, was this Batman's weirdest birthday? Oh, you know the answer to that. No, it was not. There was also the birthday where...okay, get this...Wonder Woman and Batgirl were both battling each other to give him the best presents and prove she loved him the most. Wait a minute, is that Batman's birthday or Hugh Hefner's birthday?!?

Panels from The Brave and the Bold #78 (June-July 1968), script by Bob Haney, pencils and inks by Bob Brown

It's the catfight so extreme it tilts the panel into a Dutch angle! (Look it up, Bat-fans!)

Babs bought Bats a new cape! Woo.

Diana bought that gold statue of himself that Batman had on his Amazon Wish List!

Then, apparently, they both go shopping at Spencer's Gifts for something subtle.

Then, it gets personal. (Wocka-cha-wocka-cha-wocka-cha-wocka!)

How does it all end? I've got no idea. I have the feeling that Batman will soon be calling up Archie Andrews for some hints on juggling two girlfriends. This whole situation is going to cause some problems at the next sock-hop at Gotham High, Batman!

So: Batman, being fought over by Lynda Carter and Yvonne Craig? Best birthday ever.

Happy Birthday, Batman!

House ad from House of Mystery #180 (May-June 1969)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 50

2012-02-19T13:30:00.003-05:00

Panels from "Surprise! Surprise!" in Batman Family #11 (May-June 1977), script by Bob Rozakis, pencils by Carl Potts, inks by Frank McLaughlin, colors by Bob LeRose

What are Alfred and Gordon up to? Stay tuned...same bat-blog, same bat-URL!

Same Story, Different Cover: Shouldn't the one on the left be Black Boltsday?

2012-02-18T21:00:00.000-05:00

L: Fantastic Four #59 (February 1967), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Joe Sinnott
R: Marvel Triple Action #3 (June 1972), pencils by Gil Kane, inks by Vince Colletta
(Click picture to doomsday-size)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 49

2012-02-18T17:00:00.002-05:00

Panels from World's Finest #308 (October 1984), script by Kurt Busiek, pencils by George Tuska, inks by Mark Alexander, colors by Nansi Hoolahan, letters by David Cody Weiss

(#4,300)

A laugh at Lois's expense always cheers up my day

2012-02-17T22:00:00.002-05:00

Panels from Plop #5 (May-June 1974), pencils and inks by Murphy Anderson

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 48

2012-02-17T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Detective Comics v.1 #96 (February 1945), script by Don Cameron, pencils, inks, and letters by Dick Sprang

"Dear Rich: don't draw this panel. Thanks, Roy."

2012-02-16T20:30:00.002-05:00

Emergency Light Content Week™ continues with quite possibly the least necessary superhero panel of all time! If there was a coupon on the other side of this page, you could cut it out and not even ruin the value of the book!

Panel from Fantastic Four #158 (May 1975), script by Roy Thomas, pencils by Rich Buckler, inks by Joe Sinnott, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by Joe Rosen

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 47

2012-02-16T17:00:00.001-05:00

Alfred Pennyworth and Bruce Wayne (aka Kal-El) in panels from Superman: Speeding Bullets (1993), script by J. M. DeMatteis, pencils and inks by Eduardo Barreto, colors by Les Dorscheid

Biblical Zing!

2012-02-15T20:30:00.001-05:00

Panels from Archie's One Way (A Spire Christian Comic) (1973), script, pencils, inks, and letters by Al Hartley

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 46

2012-02-15T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panel from Batman: Shadow of the Bat #42 (September 1995), script by Alan Grant; layouts by Liam Sharpe; finished pencils by Joe Staton; inks by Ray McCarthy, Ron Boyd, and Scott Hanna; colors by Sherilyn Van Valkenburgh, letters by Bill Oakley

Valentine's Day Cartoon: A quoi ça sert l'amour?

2012-02-14T23:59:00.002-05:00

A quoi ça sert l'amour? (aka Perils of Love) by Louis Clichy,
featuring music by Edith Piaf and Theo Sarapo

Love the song? Buy it here for your sweetie!:

Crazy little Thing called love

2012-02-14T23:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from Marvel Two-in-One #92 (October 1982), script by Tom DeFalco, pencils by Ron Wilson, colors by Don Warfield, letters by Joe Rosen

He hit the jackpot

2012-02-14T22:00:00.000-05:00

Peter Parker got a Valentine? Who do you think it came from? Aunt May? Doc Ock? Green Goblin? J. Jonah Jameson?

Guess agwen, true believers!

Luckily, Pete and his giant fingernails already has those little hotdogs wrapped in pastry out, so Gwen doesn't have to wait to nosh. (It's not a real proper party without itty bitty pigs in a blanket.)

I couldn't say no to that question...could you? And more important...does Pete?

Panels from Spider-Man: Blue #6 (April 2003), script by Jeph Loeb, pencils and inks by Tim Sale, colors by Steve Buccellato, letters by Richard Starkings and Wes Abbott

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Here's hoping your Valentine's Day winds up just as lovely. And with less of that being-tossed-off-a-bridge thing.

Reggie Mantle: Four Girls, No Waiting

2012-02-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from Archie's Love Scene (1973), script, pencils, inks, and letters by Al Hartley. It's a Spire Christian Comic, so we'll learn on the next page that Reggie should really be reading the Bible.

This Valentine's Day, Johnny finally predicted the future correctly

2012-02-14T20:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from Fantastic Four v.1 #160 (July 1975), script by Roy Thomas, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Chic Stone, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by Ray Holloway

Me think me not hate you

2012-02-14T19:00:00.000-05:00

It is not Febroohairy 41, so Grumpy Bizarro New Year! Be unsure to go today at noon to New York Desert and watch cube rise!

This panel am not from "The Shame of the Bizarro Family!" in Adventure Comics #285 (June 1961), script unwrote by Jerry Siegel, pencils erased by Wayne Boring, uninked by Stan Kaye

On this day, please remember Supergirl and her horse boyfriend

2012-02-14T18:00:00.000-05:00

...not to mention the time Superman totally made out with his cousin's lookalike. DC Comics, that's just wrong.

House ad from Teen Titans v.1 #26 (March-April 1970)

Since getting lots of Valentines is more fun that just having one in your little mailbox, stay tuned tonight for V-Day fun and frolics featuring your comics favorites! And if you're not careful, you might love some before it's done!

Not a horse, though. Please.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 45

2012-02-14T17:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Nightwing: Alfred's Return one-shot (July 1995), script by Alan Grant, pencils and inks by Dick Giordano, colors by Adrienne Roy, letters by Albert DeGuzman

And now, a holiday message from a Little Stuffed Bull.

2012-02-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

Bully drinking Ballantine beer ale

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 44

2012-02-13T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panel from The Untold Legend of the Batman #2 (August 1980), script by Len Wein; pencils, inks, and letters by Jim Aparo; inks by Glynis Wein

Much of the back-history of the three-issue limited series The Untold Legend of Batman has been retconned several times over (including the origin of Alfred), but this is one of my favorite Batman mini-series, with great art by John Byrne and Jim Aparo, and deserves to be reprinted in trade paperback or one of those glossy DC Comics Presents comic books. This is one of the single best introductions to The Batman: who He Is and How He Came To Be. C'mon, DC...put it in print again!

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 43

2012-02-12T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panel from Batman & Robin v.2 #3 (January 2012), script by Peter J. Tomasi, pencils by Patrick Gleason, inks by Mick Gray, colors by John Kalisz, letters by Patrick Brosseau

Today in Comics History: Flash juggles boxes

2012-02-12T12:00:00.000-05:00

House ad from Teen Titans #26 (March-April 1970)

Same Story, Different Cover: Bad Wolf

2012-02-11T20:00:00.000-05:00

L: Doctor Who Weekly #30 (UK, May 7, 1980), pencils and inks by Dave Gibbons
R: Doctor Who #3 (US, December 1984), pencils and inks by Dave Gibbons, colors by George Roussos
(Click picture to The Doctor's scarf-size)

Doctor Who #3 reprinted parts 1-4 of "The Dogs of War," which were originally printed in Doctor Who Weekly #30 (above) and Doctor Who Weekly #27-29 (below).

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 42

2012-02-11T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Batman: Castle of the Bat (1994), script by Jack C. Harris,
painted art by Bo Hampton, letters by Tracy Hampton-Munsey

Today in Comics History: Well, she's no Lori Lemaris...

2012-02-10T20:00:00.004-05:00

Today in comics history, on February 10 of the sixteenth year after a Kryptonite rocket crashed and ruined about four hundred linear yards of prime Kansas farmland as sure as if the earth had been burned and salted, a parable, or fable, or perhaps Suparable, is about to take place in the very classrooms of Smallville High, home of the undefeated football team the Fighting Luthors. While Young Joker chortles in the foreground (seriously, purple and green?), Young Crystal of the Inhumans lets a worried teen Clark Kent in on a practical joke they're about to play on one of their teachers.

Panels from "The Old Maid of Smallville!" in Superboy v.1 #83 (September 1960), script by Jerry Siegel, pencils and inks by Al Plastino

Why, those little rapscallions...making fun of their elders. As Clark says, "don't make fun at someone who isn't beautiful, because Superboy will crush you into tiny cubes." Or something like that. Anyway, we've all known kids like this, who give the word bully a bad name, and they're about to learn a lesson. A...Super-Lesson.

So what is Clark about to do? Take these two punks around the world to show that the myriad views and perceptions of human beauty? Take them forward to the 30th Century and show them that in the world of the Legion of Super-Heroes, no one judges another by their physical looks anymore (which explains how Chuck Taine got married to two hotties at once)? Take them to an abandoned cave outside Smallville and seal them inside a cave until they have to resort to cannibalism? Lea them down Crime Alley ten minutes before Zorro gets out? No, actually...none of these. Superboy chooses to make his teacher more conventionally "beautiful" rather than teach his classmates to have more acceptance and less cruelty to those not like them. Nice going, Clarkie. You should be ashamed of yourself. And for that time you set Lex's hair on fire. His beautiful, luxurious hair! No wonder your real parents sent you away, you Kryptonian jerk.

Anyway: Superboy's first step in turning a "dud" into a dream is to force her into an unwanted wet-tee-shirt contest.

Didn't Ma Kent warn Superboy against reading the clothing tags on women's' outfits? It's only polite, and more to the point, it's the sort of thing you don't do in Kansas. I think it's actually on their state flag.

So her clothes shrink and as everyone knows today, smaller clothing = more attractive. If you read the minutes of the Justice League of America members' meetings (held 22,300 miles above the earth), you can actually see Hawkman having a problem trying to put down on paper the actual sound of Wonder Woman punching Superman when she found out about this story.

Then, it's time to muss up her hair! Because, of course, they are no more hairpins left in Smallville so this dramatic change could never be reversed. This is probably the reason why Jonathan Kent eventually gave up farming and opened a general store in town: the county-wide demand for hairpins, not to mention the Kryptonite-spawned monsters that periodically tore up his land and ate his cows. With relish.

Superboy then finds it necessary to go to the moon—bwah-ha-ha-ha—to get crystal to make—heh ehh haw haw haw!—contact lenses in her exact prescription BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Then he breaks her glasses. Well that certainly is dedication to truth, justice, the American Way and vandalism, Kal. Why don't you just fly back in time and prevent her parents from having such an "ugly" child? I mean, nothing went the least bit wrong when you tried to prevent the birth of Hitler, right? Remember that? (see SUPERMAN AND THE HIDEOUS NAZI-EARTH FUTURE HISTORY GONE WRONG #1-12.)

Thus Superboy invents the contact lens, conveniently forgetting they were first invented by Leonardo da Vinci and made practical by scientists in 1801 and 1887. I bet he had this sort of discussion with Lois all the time when they were married. "Look, Clark, Perry gave us this beautiful Waring blender for our wedding. Say, did you know bandleader Fred Waring invented this?" "No, Lois, I did." Looks like the only things Superboy actually invented were hair loss and being a butthead.

"Oh, Superboy, I can get those repaired at Clem Hayseed's Opticians in Smallville..." "Nope! I've burned them away into dust! Done the same thing with your old-fashioned support undergarments, too!"

Then, something happens with a robot or an alien or somebody; I dunno, at this point I'm just waiting for the end where Pa Kent paddles Clark with an iron bar for being such a super-jerk. Needless to say, an electrocution death is waiting for someone. Later, the young son of this robot or alien will take a solemn vow to fight crime after a giant pocket calculator crashes through his window. "That's it," he vows grimly. "I shall become...a Brainiac!"

Later, Superboy sets up his teacher on a blind date with Saxton Hale, manliest man of all time...who is, for some reason, cosplaying as...well, Jimmy Olsen, I guess. Look, I didn't write the thing, I just read it, okay?

So, let's all celebrate February 10, the day that Superboy was a complete jerk. Well, February 10th: one of the three-hundred sixty-five days of the year he was, at least.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 41

2012-02-10T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Batman & Robin Adventures #13 (December 1996), script by Ty Templeton, pencils by Brandon Kruse, inks by Rick Burchett, colors by Linda Medley, letters by Tim Harkins

The Zen of Batman: Blackmail

2012-02-09T20:00:00.000-05:00

From Batman: "Barbecued Batman?" (September 22, 1966), written by Francis Cockrell and Marian Cockrell; directed by Murray Golden

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 40

2012-02-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

Page from Batman Secret Files one-shot (October 1997), text by Scott Beatty, pencils and inks by Lee Weeks, colors by Tom McCraw,

Caranimels

2012-02-08T21:15:00.003-05:00

Series of advertisements for Kraft Caramels that ran in Dell Comics in 1960-1961 (from top to bottom, in Andy Panda #50 and #54, Adventures of Mighty Mouse #151, and Gunsmoke #25

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 39

2012-02-08T17:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from "Batman Black & White: Broken Nose" in Batman: Gotham Knights #3 (May 2000), script, pencils and inks by Paul Pope; letters by John Workman

What the Dickens

2012-02-07T21:00:00.003-05:00

I oughta know when to keep my little stuffed mouth shut! Today I noticed via the magical medium of Google

that it's the 200th birthday of the man who invented Christmas and urban poverty, Charles Dickens. Happy birthday, Chuck! Where I made my mistake was in running to tell my pal John, who suggested that since I was studying English Literature in my homeschooling, that I should write a report about the life of Dickens. You know, John, some things you just wanna celebrate, not turn into homework.

So I ran down to the hermetically sealed and climate-controlled Bully Big Vault o' Comics, hopped into my little electric cart and drove a few minutes to aisle C, section 17, where I pulled out one of my copies of Classics Illustrated and brought this page back to John:

Text page from Classics Illustrated #6 [A Tale of Two Cities] (September 1948)

Wow, what a downer of an ending. I think it would be a good idea to add onto that, like, he came back from the dead to fight zombies with the aid of a combination giant steampunk robot and time machine. Anyway, John said I had to write my own report. (Spoilsport.) So I took the express elevator back down to the vault and here's what I came up with.

Charles Dickens
My Report
by Bully (age 6) (me)
Charles Dickens is a very very very famous author who is famous for writing many comic books.

Throughout his career he created many exciting action characters, most of whom will be familiar to all you comic book readers.

(Left to right: Thrash-Guy and his son, Bat-Man and Bat-Girl plus Magpie the Wonder Cat, Old Skulky, Capt. & Mrs. Crunch, Napoleon Bonaparte, The Dancing Duet, Punchinello the Clown, Spider-Rider, Two Old Ladies with an Umbrella and a Bottle of Gin, Flag-Head, Falling-Over Guy, The Ghost Kids, Helicopter Lad, The Guy Who Says Talk-to-the-Hand, Miss Floaty and Daughter, Raven-Man, The Fighting Irish, Cylinder-Head, and Mister Inkwell.)

Charles Dickens is often remembered for having met The Spectre at a Christmas party, where they exchanged really clever Secret Santa gifts.

Panels from The Spectre v.4 #12 (February 2002), script by J. M. DeMatteis, pencils and inks by Ryan Sook, colors by Guy Major, letters by Chris Eliopoulos

Later, he taught writing and advanced beatnikism to Patsy Walker, the runner-up winner in the Sweetheart of Earth-616 Competition (just behind Millie the Model).

Panels from Patsy & Hedy #75 (April 1961), script by Stan Lee, pencils and inks by Al Hartley

During the tumultuous nineties, he moonlighted as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.*:

Panel from Ultimate Spider-Man v.2 #9 (June 2010), script by Brian Michael Bendis, pencils and inks by David Lafuente, colors by Justin Ponsor, letters by Cory Petit

Later he met his untimely violent death at the hands of The Joker! We'll miss you, Charles Dickens.

Panel from Detective Comics v.1 #85 (March 1944), script by Bill Finger, layouts by Ed Kressy, finishes and letters by Dick Sprang

As we have seen, Charles Dickens was a great man. But did he ever get his picture on a trading card?

Why, yes. Yes he did. Twice!

So, in conclusion, Charles Dickens was such a great man that they published his biography in yet another issue of Classics Illustrated.

Text page from Classics Illustrated #48 [A Christmas Carol] (June 1948)

*Surely He's Inscribing Elegantly Like Dickens

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 38

2012-02-07T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Batman Forever: The Official Comic Adaptation of the Warner Bros. Motion Picture (July 1995), script by Dennis O'Neil, pencils by Michal Dutkiewicz, inks by Scott Hanna, colors by Adrienne Roy, letters by Albert DeGuzman

Like a clone, smartly dressed in your pressed uniform

2012-02-06T22:28:00.008-05:00

Well, I for one didn't think that Madonna's outfit at the Super Bowl was all that bad. In fact, I kinda liked the Asgardian influence. Get Jack Kirby in there to add a few more epaulets and shoulder pads and it's pretty much something you'd expect Sif's kid sister (Tiff) to wear during one of those big-ass Norse god parties they're always having, with Odin at the head of the table, Loki skulking behind the arras, and the mashed potatoes never even getting past Volstagg.

You couldn't even say it's the worst outfit ever, because I think that award has to go to Miss Katherine Juno Pryde of Deerfield, Illinois for her infamous entry "Colorblind Disco Zap Girl."

Panel from Uncanny X-Men #149 (September 1981), script by Chris Claremont, loose breakdowns by Dave Cockrum, finishes by Joe Rubinstein, colors by Don Warfield, letters by Janice Chiang

Yep, this crime against optic nature debuted in Uncanny X-Men #149 and lasted through the following issue, where Magneto took such pity on her fashion sense that he spared the X-Men from their untimely deaths by magnets. You can try to claim it's not canon because it wasn't lettered by Tom Orzechowski (which, come to think of it, is a really good way to determine your personal X-Canon), but it happened. As Cyclops is fond of saying: "AIEEEEEEE MY EYES!"

This krazy kreation by Kitty is also an occasion for another "Professor X Is a Jerk" entry:

Chuck is really critical of Kitty's "costume" (note that word), even though, hey, Charley: pot, meet kettle:

Panels from Uncanny X-Men #193 (May 1985), script by Chris Claremont, breakdowns by John Romita, Jr., finishes by Dan Green, colors by Glynis Oliver, letters by Tom Orzechowski

So I wouldn't be that critical, Professor. Well, at least it coulda been worse...it could have been Thor's outfit from Thor #498:

Panel portion from Thor #498 (May 1996), scriot by William Messner-Loebs, pencils by Pino Rinaldi, inks by Andy Lanning, colors by Marie Javins, letters by Jonathan Babcock

Anyway, my point (you know the rest of that phrase) is that this infamous Kitty Pryde/Sprite/Ariel/Shadowcat/Li'l Intangible outfit is seen again, years later, in Wolverine: First Class #12, a continuity implant tale that takes place immediatel following X-Men #150. Say goodbye to Kitty Pryde, the Disco Era.

Panels from Wolverine: First Class #12 (April 2009), script by Fred Van Lente, pencils and inks by Scott Koblish, colors by Ulises Arreola, letters by Joe Caramagna

Pull up your seats, students: Professor Logan is about to tell us the official term to refer to one of those skintight unstable-molecule outfits all our favorite superheroes (except Lockjaw) wear.

Naturally, not everybody agrees on this terminology.

By the end of the comic, and keeping with the universal truth that Cyclops is a putz, Kitty makes her choice of not only what she wants to call that yellow and black outfit, but also who she wants to be her tutor in learning how to protect a world that is sworn to hate and destroy them.

So, as we have now learned, Wolverine calls the blue/yellow and/or brown/black outfit he wears a uniform. He never, never, ever calls it a "costume."

Panels from Wolverine: First Class #15 (July 2009; three months later), script by Peter David, pencils and inks by Scott Koblish, colors by Ulises Arreola, letters by Joe Caramagna

Oh for crying out loud.

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 37

2012-02-06T17:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Batgirl v.1 #3 (June 2000), co-plot by Scott Peterson, co-plot and script by Kelley Puckett, pencils by Damion Scott,, inks by Robert Campanella, colors by Jason Wright, letters by John Costanza

Ten of a Kind: Are you experienced?

2012-02-05T21:00:00.004-05:00

(More Ten of a Kind here.)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 36

2012-02-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from The Brave and the Bold v.1 #190 (September 1982), script by Mike W. Barr, pencils by Carmine Infantino, inks by Sal Trapani, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by Milt Snapinn

Same Story, Different Cover: Zabu demanded they remake this cover, but starring him

2012-02-04T21:00:00.003-05:00

L: Daredevil v.1 #12 (January 1966), layouts by Jack Kirby, pencils and inks by by John Romita Sr.
R: Ka-Zar v.1 #2 (December 1970), pencils by Marie Severin, inks by Bill Everett
(Click picture to re-creation-size)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 35

2012-02-04T17:00:00.002-05:00

Panels from Batman #22 (April-May 1944), script by Alvin Schwartz, pencils by Bob Kane, inks by Jerry Robinson, letters by George Roussos

In a World with a Little Stuffed Bull...

2012-02-03T20:00:00.005-05:00

No post tonight (sorry, folks)...not here at least. Since I was up all day yesterday tracking Grover Groundhog and his hilarious whistle-pig whimsey and land-beaver larks, I'm goin' to bed early with a mug of hot chocolate and a good book. But you can sgtill catch your daily dose of Bullyosity over at my pal Dorian's blog (postmodernbarney.com), where I helped him out by watching movie trailers for his feature In a World! Although I highly recommend that you skip all the movies we talk about, do not miss this column with the cutest co-writer of them all! (Yes, it's true...Dorian really is that cute.)

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 34

2012-02-03T17:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from Elseworld's Finest #1 (October 1997), script by John Francis Moore, pencils by Kieron Dwyer, inks by Hilary Barta, colors by Gloria Vasquez, letters by Bill Oakley

"Sluggo is always an option."

2012-02-03T09:30:00.004-05:00

Say it ain't so, Mike Sterling! Today Mike is so busy fielding phone calls about when the Watchmen prequels are going to be available, and if there will be accompanying pogs, that he hasn't had time to do a complete post for the day! Don't worry, Mike! I will help you out! I hereby donate this post to Progressive Ruin so Mike can have a day to relax! Kick up your heels and dance, Mike!

NO, SLUGGO

(Panels from Four Color #1034 [Nancy and Sluggo Summer Camp] (September-November 1959)

YOU CAN'T BE ON "MYTHBUSTERS"

Even though I know how much you want to meet Kari Byron.

Groundhog Day Bonus Feature!

2012-02-02T23:59:00.002-05:00

In order to fulfill the requirements for our second-class periodical mailing rate, we now present this text story page featuring Chip 'n' Dale in their pre-Rescue Ranger days. It was unknown at the time, but this is actually the very first published work by British-American author Christopher Hitchens.*

Text story from Mickey Mouse #C-24 (May 1970)

*Oh, c'mon, roll with it. It makes a dandy urban legend.

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 24

2012-02-02T23:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from All-New Collectors' Edition #C-53 (Christmas 1976), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 23

2012-02-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

Page from All-New Collectors' Edition #C-53 (Christmas 1976), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 22

2012-02-02T21:00:00.001-05:00

Panel from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 21

2012-02-02T20:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-42 (February-March 1976), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 20

2012-02-02T19:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-42 (February-March 1976), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 19

2012-02-02T18:00:00.002-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 18

2012-02-02T17:30:00.001-05:00

Panels from All-New Collectors' Edition #C-53 (Christmas 1976), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

366 Days with Alfred Pennyworth, Day 33

2012-02-02T17:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Batman #545 (August 1997), script by Doug Moench, pencils by Kelley Jones, inks by John Beatty, colors by Todd Klein, letters by Greg Wright

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 17

2012-02-02T16:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from All-New Collectors' Edition #C-53 (Christmas 1978, script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 16

2012-02-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 15

2012-02-02T14:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from All-New Collectors' Edition #C-53 (Christmas 1978), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 14

2012-02-02T13:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-42 (February-March 1976), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 13

2012-02-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 12

2012-02-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 11

2012-02-02T10:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 10

2012-02-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from All-New Collectors' Edition #C-53 (Christmas 1978), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 9

2012-02-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-42 (February-March 1976), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 8

2012-02-02T07:00:00.003-05:00

Panel from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 7

2012-02-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 6

2012-02-02T05:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-20 (Christmas 1972), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 5

2012-02-02T04:00:00.000-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 4

2012-02-02T03:00:00.000-05:00

Panel from All-New Collectors' Edition #C-53 (Christmas 1978), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson

Grover Groundhog Day, Hour 3

2012-02-02T02:00:00.001-05:00

Panels from Limited Collectors' Edition #C-24 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Sheldon Mayer, inks by Tenny Henson